..Jon Simonds..

Washington Leaks: Marijuana Solvency
The Basically Brooklyn Series

My source in Washington reports Immigration reform isn't the biggest political leak to soak the floors of America lately. The real story lie in the "ongoing meeting between the nation's top Democrat and a leading Republican in the House over a bill designed to balance the budget and drop the unemployment rate to record low numbers; furthermore, this can all be accomplished by the end of the fiscal year. If anything is holding up an official release of the Bill," he explains "it stems from a fear over which party will garnish the greater credit."

The Bill is being called: RD2013-101, or, Solvency for short. After downloading the 9,478-page document my source emailed me, I knew why nothing ever gets done in Washington. I mean, who has the time to read all this stuff. Of course, I had to consider the risk my source put himself at by reaching out to me and so felt obligated to at least glance it over. Not since Roe V. Wade could there be a more divisive proposal in Congress and yet, after reading the first 6,000 pages RD2013-101 or Solvency (for short) is everything the government will tout it to be. It will balance the budget and eliminate unemployment faster than anything we've seen.

If passed, the first action to take place will be the Incorporation of Solvency. Several CEO's are already being floated to head this company. Furthermore in the days following the formation of the Solvency Corporation there will be an IPO for investors to get in on the ground floor. The company will then turn south to farmers spread all over States like Florida, Georgia the Carolina's and California. Like tobacco farmers before them, they will be instructed to grow massive amounts of Marijuana. You see, the Solvency Bill on the surface, will appear to be a Bill designed to legalize the use of Marijuana through out the Nation. Marijuana, it argues, does not have the same harmful effects as Tobacco, nor, does it impair or cloud judgment while operating heavy machinery, or driving a vehicle in the same way as alcohol. On the contrary, it makes it all the more intense.

Solvency Inc. will put millions of truckers on the roads headed North where Solvency will build thousands of factories in America's hardest hit Cities employing millions of workers for the processing and packaging of this home-grown wonder of Nature. In all, there will be 44 different brands to choose from. In addition to 44 brands, Solvency, Inc. will market a brand of Cigar as well as teabags. This will lead to a horde of administrators, loaders, distributers, marketing department personnel, documentation, mailroom and so on. The amount of jobs Solvency can create far exceeds the number of jobs lost in the Great Recession.

Furthermore, my source adds, Solvency Inc. will share ownership with couples interested in owning Solvency's Franchise Stores, which the Bill reportedly calls The Weed and Feed Store. These stores will carry the 44 brands of Maryjane, 22 filtered and 22 unfiltered at discount prices. In addition to the 44 brands, Weed and Feed will carry every kind of munchies imaginable. They will have supersized bags of corn chips; potato chips; Skittles; M&M's and even Twinkies as Solvency will purchase the recipe of Twinkies and reopen Twinkie factories throughout the nation. Inside of a year this companies stock will be as huge as Apple and the best part of it is it's owned by the US Government. Can you say, Surplus again? My source went on to say, "Police agencies across the country will love this bill. The courts will all be freed up for real crimes. Crime in general will decrease. People will be stealing Frito's instead of cars. Corporate profits will be through the roof. We'll never have to talk about a deficit again and wait. We haven't even begun to discuss the exporting end of it yet."

I wanted to ask him when the bill is going to the floor but he kept complaining about the weather. He said lately it seems like it never stops raining in Seattle.
I thought you were in Washington, I said.
He reiterated the fact that he was.
I could have asked him what he was smoking, but I thought I already knew the answer to that one.

* * *