..Jon Simonds..

That's Entertainment!
The Basically Brooklyn Series

In the annals of great American personalities, perhaps the most widely recognizable of all is fellow Brooklynite, Bugs Bunny. Born in Flatbush, Brooklyn, on April 30th, 1938, in a warren somewhere beneath Ebbets Field, Bugs grew up a huge Brooklyn Dodgers fan. However, unlike my father before me, when da bums left, Bugs didn't stay. He refused to wait around for those Amazing Mets born in Queens and so set out for California. With talent on loan from Tex Avery and Chuck Jones, Bugs would pretty much conquer the world and prove to be a great inspiration for many leaders to follow.

Long before New York's three term Mayor, Ed Koch greeted commuters at subway entrances with the question of, "How'm I doing?" Bugs was asking the world, "Eh, what's up Doc?"

I often wonder why Wall Street won't invite him to ring the opening bell. Do you suppose Bugs may have intimately known the chiefs of corporations such as General Motors? After all, he did once utter, "The way I run this thing, you'd think I knew something about it," long before any of the big three were invited to appear before Congress. "Don't take life too seriously," he tells each and everyone of us. "You'll never get out alive."

Let's face it, is their anyone in all of America better suited to lead us from our troubles, than the bunny? No matter how difficult the task, regardless of how big the threat, Bugs never broke a sweat. He never peered into a tunnel without seeing the light at the other end. There isn't a single soul that could shake his confidence. Bugs is the embodiment of the strength and determination that built this great nation regardless of the storms this nation had to drive through. The future is not ours to control. It is merely ours to have. It's up to us what we do with it. Bugs always understood this and he was just so cool: "Gee, ain't I a stinker?"

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be Heroes, just for one day
-David Bowie

With talent on loan from God, Rush Hudson Limbaugh the Third, also known as Rusty Sharpe and Jeff Christie was born January 12th, 1951 in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. Rush, a believer in "strong family values," as "the very core of a productive, prosperous and peaceful society," has been head of the household of at least two unproductive, obviously poor and probably very unpeaceful marriages.

El Rushbo boasts some twenty million followers on the EIB Radio Network and is credited with saving the AM Radio from going the way of the 8-track, but was only able to accomplish this goal when the Fairness Doctrine disappeared from the radio rule books. Like Bugs, Rush had an affinity for baseball but his beloved Royals never abandoned Kansas City. Instead, Rush abandoned them.

While not quite as recognizable as Bugs, Rush is another cartoon character with some 20 million listeners tuning into to hear things like, "The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies," or,"They oughtta change Black History Month to Black Progress Month and start measuring it."

This is the sort of divisive talk that splits nations apart, rather than inspiring the kind of constructive thinking designed to overcome the mounting problems our children face today, but it does have its appeal. After all, the Reverend Rush fills his pews with ditto heads that nod in agreement much like worshippers nodding along to the beat of the sermon of say, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright?

It is the same divisive bantering uttered by the likes of an Osama Bin Laden, who probably agrees with Rush when the radio talk show host says, "The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them." Fortunately, OBL hasn't been able to get his hands on any and neither has Rush.

I'm not sure God has lent Rush anything, unless, of course, Rush worships the ghost of P.T. Barnum who is alleged to have said, "There is a sucker born every minute of the day." Rush has found 20 million of them and by playing on their fears and prejudice, they are making him wealthier by the minute.

I once heard Bugs say, "Whatta maroon! Whatta ignoranimus!" Ditto heads, take note. He wasn't talking about Rush.

I don't want a tickle
'Cause I'd rather ride on my motorsickle
And I don't want to die
Just want to ride on my motorcy...cle
You know, I've been singing this song for 12 years.
it's amazing that someone can make a living singing a song this dumb for that long,
but that's America
-Arlo Guthrie