The New Sun

Henny Youngman

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

You have a ready wit. Let me know when it's ready.

You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to into a muffler.

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.

He willed his body to science. Science is contesting the will.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

Compiled by humorist Timothy Dunton