Waterboro, Maine — My daughter recently completed her first college course in psychology and already has pegged me with a multi-syllable disorder I can't even spell, much less pronounce. The glass is half full she insists. Not half empty! And I had plenty of time to dwell upon this as I struggled to maintain 30 mph on a snow-blown I-95 with the warning signs suggesting a 45 mph speed limit was something one could actually achieve in conditions so severe you couldn't tell the road from the snow blowing all around you.

If polar bears were native to Maine, one could tap on your window and all you would see is his black bouncing nose. Rumors out of Portland have Penguins, flocking to our fair state in an effort to escape the warmth of Alaska. The glass is not half full. It is half empty and its content won't do you any good anyway because this Polar Vortex has it frozen solid!

I could hear my daughter yelling, "There you go again," when I suddenly saw these two bright red lights in front of me spinning wildly out of control. I thought I saw headlights as I started to apply the brake of my own vehicle and pull over to the side of the road. I ended up about five feet behind the vehicle as it slid nose first into a pile of snow. Of course, I got out and walked over to the driver's side of the vehicle where I found a young woman bawling her eyes out. I tapped on the window. She rolled it down. I asked if she was okay. She stopped crying for a minute, looked at me and burst into hysterics all over again.

"I can't take it anymore!" She whaled. "Storm after storm!"
I thought about my daughter and decided to handle it with a glass half full attitude. So I suggested she look at the bright side of it. She stopped crying for a minute and stared at me. I had to continue.
"Do you have a gym membership?" I asked.
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"What's the first thing you do every morning?"
"Shovel my car out of my driveway! Every morning there is a wall of snow in front of my driveway six feet high and four feet wide! What good is clearing the roads if nobody can get out onto them? I have a job to keep!"
"So why pay for a gym membership? Mother Nature is giving you a daily cardiovascular workout. I bet you're toning right up. Turning unwanted fat into muscle and the best part is, there is no monthly membership fee. No procrastinating! You exercise daily and you get to do it all for free!"
She stared at me, eyes wide as I continued. "Do you have kids?"
"One." "Forget the snowman. There is so much of this white bleep on the ground you could build a snow city - complete with high-rise buildings, avenues and super-stores. Your kid will think you're the greatest mom of all time. Look at all this stuff. It's maddening!"
"Could you give me a push?" She whispered.

It took a few minutes, but we straightened her out and she was on her way.

I climbed into my vehicle. It could be worse. You could be on a beach in Florida, sweat pouring down the front of your face when the air is so thick with humidity you could die breathing. I know. It's the glass thingy again, isn't it?